"The Office" Quotes

My new favorite show is "The Office" from NBC. I recently purchased the 1st and 2nd seasons, and decided to post some of my favorite quotes. Enjoy...

[during a "Diversity Day" exercise]
Dwight Schrute: Shalom, I'd like to apply for a loan.
Pam Beesley: That's nice, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.
Pam Beesley: OK, I like your food.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, Outback Steakhouse, I'm Australian, mate!
Michael Scott: Pam, come on, "I like your food" no come on, stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Bam! Let's do it, let's get ugly, let's get real.
Pam Beesley: OK, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that i do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: [shocked] Aw man, am I a woman?

[Jim set a fence of pencils up between Dwight and his desk]
Dwight Schrute: Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ.

Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.


Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.
Jim Halpert: Sounds Tough.
Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

Michael Scott: No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.

Dwight Schrute: Damnit, he put my stapler in jello again.
[Points to Michael]
Dwight Schrute: You can be a witness to this.
Jim Halpert: [eating jello] How do you know it was me?


Oscar: Both my parents were born in Mexico, and they moved to the United States a year before I was born, so I grew up in the United States... my parents were Mexican.
Michael Scott: Wow, that is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.

A Son and Soldier Unafraid, a Family Nonetheless in Grief

I'd appreciate if everyone gave this New York Times article a read. It is about a friend of mine's brother who lost his life serving our great country.

© 2006 New York Times

If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big
enough to be worshipped.

-- Evelyn Underhill

Whence comes this idea that if what we are doing is fun, it
can't be God's will? The God who made giraffes, a baby's
fingernails, a puppy's tail, a crooknecked squash, the
bobwhite's call, and a young girl's giggle, has a sense of
humor. Make no mistake about that.

-- Catherine Marshall

In Time

I find peace in all the lonely places that I go
And I find it funny that I’d still give my life for you
It just doesn’t feel quite right to be alone

How long will it be before you forget my name?
I wonder as you lift your glass to the way things used to be
Miles away to kiss a man that has taken the place of me

The Lord tells me to wait for my day to come
But my days are numbered, and I count them one by one
Like notches on the handle of an outlaw’s gun

A look to the clouds…you know, I hope and dream just like you do
The difference is my breath stops when I see you
In all of life giving up is what hurts the most

The clouds open up
Brown eyes cryin in the rain...

America the Beautiful

The link above will take you to the Washington Post "Faces of the Fallen," an obituary dedicated to giving a face to fallen soldiers in the Iraq and Afghanistan theatres of war. A friend of mine posted this same link earlier in the year, and with the 4th coming around tomorrow I wanted to share it with those who visit mine. I catch myself getting used to seeing more soldiers killed in Iraq on CNN.com without even giving it a second glance. To click on a name and a face and have a map show you where the soldier lived and grew up is a lot different than seeing a headline full of numbers. How lucky we are to have people that serve our country in the military so that we can enjoy the lives that we live. Regardless of our stance on the war itself and its motivations, it is imperative that we remember the lives that are being given and that have been given without question. I dedicate this post to the deep respect I have for the men and women serving our country in the armed forces, and greater than the awe of any firework I see on the 4th of July is the great sacrifice that these men and women have given for me. Someone 7000 miles away on a computer in Indiana, always wondering in what ways he can be a soldier in his life. These next lyrics come from the television series "Over There." The show isn't actually very good or accurate according to veterans, but I liked the theme song quite a bit and wanted to share it.


The day is comin, the drums are drummin'
If you know one, say a prayer...

There's mothers cryin'
and fathers sighin'
and war is in the air

The trains are fillin' up with boys
Who have left behind all their favorite toys
They're goin over there

Over there,
where someone has to die
Over there...

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul?
-- Mark 8:36

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

My dad bought this for my mom...on purpose.

This fathers day was very unique. My dad bought my mom this luscious lingerie for their trip to Alaska. Maybe he is afraid that after losing so much weight, all the Inuits are going to be after her. Who knows, but after many years...my dad still cracks me up. The best part is that he doesn't even do it on purpose.

The vision-impaired market was lost right before his eyes

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush, who often teases members of the White House press corps, apologized Wednesday after he poked fun at a reporter for wearing sunglasses without realizing they were needed for vision loss.

(courtesy CNN.com)

This is almost as bad as the time I laughed hysterically at a kid who was jumping around and acting goofy in a Radio Flyer driven by his parents only to find out he was mentally retarded a few seconds later. That made for an awkward cover-up. "So did your kid just eat some pop rocks or something, those things are crazy! Welp...c-ya later!" Still not as bad as the "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.....the fool me can't be fooled." Bush probably isn't helping his polls by making fun of the vision-impaired.

We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity, for in
prosperity we forget God.

-- Dwight L. Moody

Redemption

I was alone with a man and his story.

His words mixed with the alcohol on his breath and the deep red thunder in his eyes. A story unfolded as I looked on, and the Lord sent a chill down my spine reminding me to remember.

Remember the strength behind his glazed eyes and the skip in his step that disappeared long ago…remember the story.

Remember how the steak knife pierced his chest, and how the doctors worked in a frenzy to keep him alive as he looked on.

Remember how his family told him he had died, and returned to live once again.

Remember the 12 pints of blood he lost and the fires of hell he saw.

Remember how he said he lost his memory in blood, but he’ll never forget what pulled him back to life.

Remember how he said that now he doesn't know if being saved was for the best.

I was alone with a man and his story, and I wept.

Not because of his drunken state or the horrors he'd faced. But because both in life and in death he could not find what we all hope and work and dream for the most...redemption.

Elephatass

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- So far, it's only the trainers at the Alaska Zoo who seem to be breaking into a sweat.

They've so far made little progress trying to coax Maggie, a somewhat cantankerous African elephant, onto the world's first treadmill for a pachyderm.

For two months, Maggie's trainers have used her favorite treats -- watermelon, apples, carrots, peanuts in the shell, banana slices and sweet potatoes -- to entice the 8,000-pound elephant into exercising on the $100,000 piece of equipment.

"She has two feet on the treadmill and has touched a third one on it," zoo director Pat Lampi said Tuesday. "Every six inches forward is a new goal. There are a lot of steps to go."

Maggie's trainers and zoo staff aren't discouraged.

"It is just a matter of getting that fourth foot up off the concrete floor," elephant trainer Rob Smith said.


Is anyone else bothered by the fact that there are people starving, being sold into the sex trade, and being killed in mass genocides all over the world, and we are building $100,000 treadmills for fat assed elephants?

(Courtesy: CNN.com)

Contact

I remember talking about this particular dialogue from the movie Contact during church camp a couple summers ago, and I saw the movie again a couple nights ago and this scene really refreshed my memory. Ellie Arroway is a scientist who believes only in what she can hear, see, and feel, and she believes that mathematics is the only true universal language of truth. Palmer Joss is a Christian theologan and author, and the two have a strange relationship of love that is in large part formed from the shared tenacity they have to search for truth in the human experience.

Ellie Arroway: So what's more likely? That an all-powerful, mysterious God created the Universe, and decided not to give any proof of his existence? Or, that He simply doesn't exist at all, and that we created Him, so that we wouldn't have to feel so small and alone?
Palmer Joss: Did you love your father?
Ellie Arroway: What?
Palmer Joss: Your dad. Did you love him?
Ellie Arroway: Yes, very much.
Palmer Joss: Prove it.

I don't know many people who don't believe in love.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
--1 John 4:16 (NIV)

"The knowledge of God is very far from the love of Him."
-- Blaise Pascal

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears
the Lord is to be praised.

-- Proverbs 31:30

If ever I reach heaven I expect to find three wonders there:
first, to meet some I had not thought to see there; second, to
miss some I had expected to see there; and third -- the greatest
wonder of all -- to find myself there.

-- John Newton

We all need love, but we need it most when we deserve it
least--when we have sinned against someone, when we have made
poor choices, when we have failed. In these situations,
ordinary love must become extra-ordinary love.

--Barbara Rosberg

First Date

A Canticle for Liebowitz

I'm not much into sci-fi novels, but this one had a particular passage that I really liked.

"There was the serpent whispering: For God doth know that in what day soever you shall eat thereof, your eyes shall be opened: and you shall be as Gods. The old father of lies was clever at telling half-truths: How shall you 'know' good and evil, until you have sampled a little? Taste and be as Gods. But neither infinite power nor infinite wisdom could bestow godhood upon men. For that there would have to be infinite love as well."

-Dom Paulo, A Canticle for Liebowitz

The Kite Runner

I recently read an amazing book for my Religions of the West class, and I wanted to write down a few of my favorite quotes so that I don't forget them. I hope they make you stop and think in the same way that they did for me.

"Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your favorite colors." -Rahim Khan

"When a coward stops remembering who he is...God help him" -Amir

"A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does not suffer." -Rahim Khan