Polar

Well...last night I watched two movies. I watched Super Troopers with some coworkers after visiting the forbidden 231 sex store that was just opened recently near the interstate that has been the talk of the town. I was reminded of why I had never been to a place like that before when I walked down the first aisle with giant dildos staring at me on one side, and blow up sheep baaing at me on the other. I'm no prude, but I really just wanted to take a shower and cry after I left. Anyways...with the New Year approaching, I picked up on two quotes that made me think of the past and the future.

The first was from Super Troopers when state trooper Jeff Foster (the redhead) reacts to his assumption that Ursula has betrayed him: "You crapped on my heart!" Probably not the most enlightening quote ever, but pretty funny...and somewhat true because having your heart shat upon is not a fun thing. It has been a very long time since my heart has been crapped upon, and the purpose of this particular blog is not for me to complain about the past, but to remember the good things and look into the New Year with a yearning for good things to come. Every one of us has dirt and heartache they would like to erase from memory and never have to deal with in all areas of life, but to erase the bad...we'd have to forget about the good as well, because one inevitably leads to the other...and it is both that have constructed who we are. After all, the past is a rudder to guide us, not an anchor to drag us.

The second quote I picked up later in the night came from In Good Company, a movie where Topher Grace plays a young sales rep who becomes the boss of Dennis Quaid's character, who’s daughter he falls in love with. I know, very Hollywood...but at one point Grace asks Quaid what his secret is to finding the perfect woman. He very matter-of-factly replies

"You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and when you are outside of the foxhole...you keep your dick in your pants."

Pretty much says it all. I know that just as there aren't perfect people, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. When you consider that 50% of all marriages today end in divorce...no statistic makes it more apparent. I have seen my sisters very angry with their husbands, and of course I have seen more than a few arguments between my parents over the years. However, I also saw my parents cry tears of joy as they reinstated their vows after 30 years of marriage in a small ceremony us siblings (or my sisters rather) put together a couple years ago. I've also seen that my sisters never stay angry long (or at least pretend they aren't) and the smiles to angry face ratio when they are with their husbands are usually 100:1 depending on many things (one of them being a jackass tends to even out the ratio). I can't imagine the patience and work that it requires to maintain a loving relationship that lasts so long, along with raising children in a way that challenges and enlightens them. Now that I see my sisters beginning their families with their beautiful babies, it helps me appreciate the work it took to raise me…and the love it inspires me to find.

I look back on some of the relationships I've had, most of them bring laughs...some tears, but the laughs are always ahead 100:1...I think the thing that stings the most lately is when I think about missed opportunities. Sometimes I wish I had the perfect shoulder to lay on, or I could say exactly what a girl needed to hear...a joke, a compliment, or just a smile. Maybe it is selfish of me to want that at this point in my life, I've already asked a lot of God as it is. I just pray that my faithfulness will set me apart when the time is right.

Going into the New Year I think that I owe myself an explanation. I don’t think I’ve ever made a New Years resolution in my life. Most people don’t follow through with them anyways, so maybe I never wanted to break my own promises. I can’t keep torturing myself with what-ifs or could-have-beens. So next time I am sitting with a beautiful girl under the stars, maybe I will hold back on sharing how I feel…and make a wish on the next shooting star that she will know for both of us…if her head feels right on my shoulder.

Greatest things said about the past

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
--Brooks Atkinson

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere, and don't even notice it.
--Shug, The Color Purple

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
-- John Barrymore

The past, with its pleasures, its rewards, its foolishness, itspunishments, is there for each of us forever, and it should be.
-- Lillian Hellman

One must always maintain one's connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it.
-- Gaston Bachelard

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
-- Billy Wilder

Kiss the past…or kiss your ass goodbye
--Aerosmith, “Kiss Your Past Goodbye”

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest, that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
--Jan Glidewell

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.
--Unknown

The past is history; The future is a mystery; This moment is a gift; That is why this moment is called the present; Enjoy it.
--Allan Johnson