Whatever You Do, Don't Vote.

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Sometimes it is a little frightening being in a new place. Being completely honest, it can be downright terrifying. It is never easy being somewhere unfamiliar, having to make new friends, and having to deal with new challenges. Even when I went home last weekend I really didn't feel myself, and I had trouble letting go and just enjoying my family's company. This weekend reminded me of something, though. When the going gets tough, you just have to buckle down and enjoy the ride. I've been a little down in the dumps the last few weeks, and really feeling the weight of my decision to attend law school fully. First there was the exhilaration of being on my own in a new city, then there was the realization that I was in for the long haul without being as close to my friends and family, with an incredibly challenging curriculum ahead of me, and a lot of debt to face when I'm done with school.

Perhaps this is an experience that everyone deals with at some point in their lives, not necessarily graduate school, but when you have to make a tough choice and deal with the consequences. Yeah, it is scary. Yeah, it is challenging. Yeah, it is going to be a long ride. But what I found out is that I still have it better than I ever realize. I paid a visit to some friends and family in Bloomington, got to sleep on some nasty couches, crack jokes with my old coworkers, and throw back a couple of pints while listening to a jazz band that sounded more like elephants being burned alive.

I think that sometimes my greatest fault in this whole experience is not letting tomorrow worry about itself. The worst part is the guilt of not understanding why you feel unhappy, when you have everything in the world to be thankful about. That is the greatest sting of all. That aside, I remembered that just trying to do whatever you can to live in the moment is sometimes the best remedy for anything. When I think about my struggles with my faith, and with staying grounded while I am away from home, I am reminded of why Jesus was such an amazing man. This was a person who did nothing in his life but live in the moment for all those around him. Sometimes you just have to go out and shoot a couple games of pool with your brother and sister. Sometimes you have to talk with your best friend about what he is excited about in his life. Sometimes you have to let the worries wash away, and live in the moment for those you love. Because the greatest thing to remember is that you are who you love.

A Lecture Upon the Shadow by John Donne

Stand still, and I will read to thee
A lecture, love, in love's philosophy.
These three hours that we have spent,
Walking here, two shadows went
Along with us, which we ourselves produced;
But, now the sun is just above our head,
We do those shadows tread;
And to brave clearness all things are reduced.
So whilst our infant loves did grow,
Disguises did, and shadows, flow,
From us, and our care; but, now 'tis not so.

That love hath not attained the high'st degree,
Which is still diligent lest others see.

Except our loves at this noon stay,
We shall new shadows make the other way.
As the first were made to blind
Others; these which come behind
Will work upon ourselves, and blind our eyes.
If our loves faint, and westwardly decline;
To me thou, falsely, thine,
And I to thee mine actions shall disguise.
The morning shadows wear away,
But these grow longer all the day,
But oh, love's day is short, if love decay.

Love is a growing, of full constant light;
And his first minute, after noon, is night.

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I've said it before, but this is truly the funniest thing I've ever seen

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An episode of Its Always Sunny with some good lawyer tidbits.

Recently, I've been struggling with a question that every lawyer or aspiring lawyer must at some point ask themselves. Some decided to go to law school because it seemed like the logical next step, some because they don't know what else to do, and others still because they want to mirror the charisma and power of the district attorney on Boston Legal. Some decide to become lawyers so they can buy the world, some decide to become lawyers so they can run the world, and some others decide to become lawyers so that they can save the world. The reality is that the majority of lawyers do none of these things. The reality is that a courtroom is often the last place the truth shows its face.

After a few weeks of the law school experience and staring down the real possibility of spending over a hundred grand to earn a Juris Doctorate, the question is a legitimate one, and at times, a frightening one. Already spending countless hours studying legal concepts, briefing cases, and writing legal memorandums that eventually seem to blur the passing of the day, I wonder...why do this for 3 years? Why put myself in social isolation, leave my family and friends with limited opportunities to visit them, and why spend more money than I can currently fathom on a graduate degree? The answer is actually much more simple than it seems, and begs another question. What is it that I pray for?

My real prayer, my honest prayer, most of time, is nothing. It is easy to forget to converse with God when one feels disconnected, or pressed for time, or possibly a multitude of other things. The answer, when it is at its best, it to be a good man, and to do good things for others, with honesty and integrity. That is the example I learned from my father, and from my mother, and from my true father in heaven. A lawyer has an unadulterated ability to do exactly those things. Whether or not most lawyers actually live up to that potential brings something else to mind:

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

What's the catch, the lawyer asks? So why would God call a man to be a lawyer? A profession that is riddled with distrust from the average person and rewards those within it for twisting the system or even twisting the truth? Because God calls us as Christians to be beacons of truth. If the courtroom is the last place where truth can be found, that is where we must bring it. Think about this, courtesy of the movie A Civil Action:

The odds of a plaintiff's lawyer winning in civil court are two to one against. Think about that for a second. Your odds of surviving a game of Russian roulette are better than winning a case at trial. 12 times better. So why does anyone do it? They don't. They settle. Out of the 780,000, only 12,000 or 11/2 percent ever reach a verdict...[t]rials are a corruption of the entire process and only fools who have something to prove end up ensnared in them. Now when I say prove, I don't mean about the case, I mean about themselves.

A week ago, I developed an enormous feeling of anxiety. My heartbeat felt unusually rapid, I developed a cold sweat, I asked someone to take my blood pressure, and I was scared that I was having a heart attack. For the first time in my life, I feared death. For a few hours I feared it as though it were staring at me face to face, testing me. I felt alone, I felt isolated, and eventually, I felt selfish for feeling all of those things. I prayed, albeit awkwardly and badly, but God knew what my heart felt, and He answered me today, in an opera He said:

Live still, I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. Is everything around you just the blood and mud? I am divine. I am oblivion. I am the God that comes down from the heavens, and makes of the Earth a heaven. I am love!

I am love

So the answer for me as to whether or not I made the right choice to be where I am has already been answered for me. God has great things in store for all those who love Him and for all those who pray sincerely to Him. If I know my place with God, I know my place in the world. What made me want to be a server of justice? Because the one image of justice that has forever been burned into my mind is the one of a man who drew a line in the sand and said to those who stood ready to strike down another, "May ye who have no sin cast the first stone." One by one, the stones dropped.

Monkeys Are Funny

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Electricity

I was in Cincinnati this weekend hanging out with a good friend and watching a Reds game when I got a text message, the power was back on. After nearly a week of taking cold showers by candlelight, eating out continuously, and having to walk to the library to watch tv, in a strange way I felt let down by the fact that the power was back on. The whole week I listened to myself and others complained about how terrible it was that we couldn't watch cable and couldn't fix a frozen pizza in the oven. Despite the fact that these are really great comforts to have, I felt ridiculous every time I complained about it. Hurricane Ike ripped through Texas and took people's homes, businesses, and the like, and I'm pissed off because I can't watch the new episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. In any event, the power outage was a very keen reminder that there are way too many comforts that we take for granted. Sadly, it only reminded me of my own self-centeredness, and I find it ironic that it took a power outage to give me that little insight (lightbulb!).

Conversation Between Myself and My Beloved Sister Kara

Haller231 (4:44:24 PM): you're weird

Haller231 returned at 4:44:24 PM.

JaySilverheels86 (4:45:17 PM): don't knock it til you try it

Haller231 (4:45:24 PM): ok

Haller231 (4:45:29 PM): how's school

Haller231 (4:46:43 PM): i actually have to go but i'll talk to you later this weekend

JaySilverheels86 (4:46:51 PM): haha...fair enough, c-ya

Haller231 (4:47:40 PM): by the way Lauren said she would have been your date for the wedding this weekend

Haller231 (4:47:42 PM): later

JaySilverheels86 (4:48:20 PM): later!

JaySilverheels86 (4:48:24 PM): i meant later~

Haller231 went away at 4:48:29 PM.

JaySilverheels86 (4:48:30 PM): not later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Auto Response from Haller231 (4:48:30 PM): I'm around.....Dinner for camp Kesem.....

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JaySilverheels86 (4:48:47 PM): ahhhhh

The screen name is not currently accepting Instant Messages.

JaySilverheels86 (4:48:48 PM): ahhhhhahhhhhhh

JaySilverheels86 (4:48:49 PM): ahhhhhha

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JaySilverheels86 (4:48:52 PM): hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa

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JaySilverheels86 (4:48:56 PM): haaaaaa

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Haller231 (4:49:09 PM): i'm going to drive to dayton and kill your dumbass if you don't stop

Haller231 returned at 4:49:10 PM.

JaySilverheels86 (4:49:26 PM): who is my dumbass? oh, slam

Haller231 signed off at 4:49:34 PM.

Hilarious Casebooks

I just read this passage from a casebook and found it incredibly hilarious:

"Austin cooked a continental dinner for a new acquaintance, Berwyn, served in candlelight and accompanied by excellent French wines. After dinner the couple sat on the sofa listening to Traviata and sipping Benedictine and Brandy. The moment came, as it must in every scene of this sort, in which Austin drew closer and with parted lips looked in Berwyn's eyes. A kiss was imparted and Austin's hand caressed Berwyn's neck. Suddenly, to the surprise of everyone, there was a snap as a vertebra in Berwyn's neck broke."

Whaaaa??

What I Have Learned

This is a small list of the top ten things I have learned in law school in the first couple weeks of class:

10. There are a lot of exceptionally bright people in my class
9. It is no longer cool to go to the bar where all the undergrads hang out
8. Despite what the professors say, stupid questions do indeed exist
7. Trashy TV has never felt so refreshing
6. The workload is like studying for a test every night
5. The Socratic method is terrifying at times, but necessary
4. Ramen noodles are the key to keeping loan interest at bay
3. Your loan money that goes towards tuition essentially disappears before you see it
2. Interest is insane and I have a new-found hatred for banks
1. The class elections are almost as hilarious to watch unfold as the presidential election

This Just In: Barack Obama was Conceived by Two Men

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How Can McCain Get That Exciting Edge?

Meeting the Parents

This video really makes me laugh.

Have you thought about the effects of not recycling? Can you imagine if everywhere you went, light refracted when passing through water to reveal a spectrum of colors? This is what our world is coming to, and I posted this video as a reminder that we all have a responsibility, nay, a God given right to a clean world to live in and within which we can raise our children safely. In case you missed the message in this video, this means that we need a President that will rid our country of rainbows, or as I like to call them: 'Godless Marauding Killing Machines.' Can you imagine what would happen if someone had the audacity to build a prism?

UPDATE: This woman was later found dead of rainbow poisoning. Her survivors are in the process of suing the State of California.

I have decided to renew my attempts at blogging as a way for me to detach (or reinforce) my new life as a monk studying law. There are a lot of new tools to use, so I'm hoping this will be an easier way for me to post pictures, videos, and other such things, as well as provide an easier way to keep in touch with a lot of you. The new url will be www.crownofthorns.com. For my first couple posts, I'm revising a couple drafts that I had written a few years ago and never posted, just because it is fun to think of where I was then and how long ago it now seems. I have decided not to really change the name of my blog, simply because it still seems incredibly relevant to my life...especially if you add to the end of it, as coined in the Johnny Cash cover of a Nine Inch Nails song "I wear this crown of thorns, upon my liar's chair (watch above video). The only difference is that I have never been a drug addict and I'm not rich. The video is one of my all time favorites and definitely worth a watch. Other than that, keep checking back, I hope to write as frequently as I am able. God bless!

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a
tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is
worthless.
-- James 1:26


Not only do we not know God except through Jesus Christ; We do
not even know ourselves except through Jesus Christ.
-- Blaise Pascal

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the
mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
-- Psalm 46:1-2

Faith, mighty faith the promise sees|And rests on that
alone:|Laughs at impossibilities,|And says it shall be done.
-- Charles Wesley